


Even In The Dark We Will Find A Way Out

by jungle_ride



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:48:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24755806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jungle_ride/pseuds/jungle_ride
Summary: Rei awakes with a start, a mass of flailing limbs and gasping breaths as she scrambles to get away, to somewhere different, somewhere safe. Bolting upright, her panting breaths fill the otherwise peaceful room as she is pulled from the darkness in her mind. Shaking, her shoulders jerking in uncomfortable spasms, Rei desperately tries to regain some resemblance of control.It wasn’t real. It was just a nightmare. It wasn’t real. It was just a nightmare.
Relationships: Hino Rei/Tsukino Usagi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34
Collections: Little Black Dress Exchange 2020





	Even In The Dark We Will Find A Way Out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



Rei awakes with a start, a mass of flailing limbs and gasping breaths as she scrambles to get away, to somewhere different, somewhere safe. Bolting upright, her panting breaths fill the otherwise peaceful room as she is pulled from the darkness in her mind. Shaking, her shoulders jerking in uncomfortable spasms, Rei desperately tries to regain some resemblance of control. 

_ It wasn’t real. It was just a nightmare. It wasn’t real. It was just a nightmare.  _

She says it over and over in her mind, and whilst the logical part of her knows the words to be true, her body still refuses to believe them. She can feel the sweat droplets building across her forehead. Her top is sticking to her back, her skin flushed hot and chilled cold all at the same time. Flashes of images blur inside her mind. Bodies scattered around her. Blood on her hands. Flesh torn apart. Life, absent from the faces of those she loves. The malicious laughter that rings in her ears as the one she holds dearest takes their last breath, the gurgling sound they make as they try desperately to hold on. The deafening silence when they can’t. 

This has become a regular occurrence in the months since the last battle with  Chaos and Rei’s latest rebirth. Rei can’t understand it. By all accounts there was nothing to concern herself with, at least nothing outside of balancing school work with her duties at the temple. They were at peace. So why, has she been plagued by consent dread of a phantom tragedy yet to befall them? Insomnia kept her up most nights and when sleep finally did take her she was often met with hellish nightmares. 

_ What if they’re visions? _

The thought slithers out of the shadows and slips unwanted into her, coils around her heart and squeezes hard. Her breath catches in her throat, mid inhale, the sound is broken and disjointed, echoing in her ears and causing her eyes to begin to prick with a familiar sting. Rei knows it’s not true. She knows the difference between a nightmare and a vision, her experiences of them making her well versed to their subtle differences. Right now though her mind is having trouble winning the battle. Her heart is still trapped in the horror, constricted by the viper of darkness that seems to follow her wherever she goes. 

“It wasn’t a vision.” She hisses at herself through gritted teeth, needing to hear the words aloud, needing to believe it. 

_ Light banishes the darkness.  _

It’s her grandfather's words she hears. Words he used to tell her when she was little and still ran to his embrace when the darkness became too dark. Her grandfather was a free spirit, a wild one at heart with a mind untroubled and as such she’d stopped seeking his council for this years ago, his harrowed eyes and worried press of lips had been a weight too much to bear. Still, the words hold true, only for Rei there never seemed to be enough light when she needed it most. 

Despite her skepticism, she reaches across to the bedside table, searching for the lamp. Her sweaty palms find relief when they meet the coldness of metal. With quick precision she finds the switch and flicks it on. The room is immediately lit in a soft yellow glow. Rei blinks a few times as her eyes become accustomed to the new found light. 

Normally when her dreams collapse and the world spins, throwing her into oblivion, she’s alone. Not tonight. Tonight was the sleepover that Rei had tried desperately to avoid. She’d politely declined the other three that had previously been arranged, citing duties at the temple or sickness, whatever excuse she could think of. When she’d tried to do the same with this one, the girls had obviously been annoyed with her, she could tell by the way Makoto had looked off to the side, arms crossed over her chest. Ami’s eyes had narrowed as she bit her lip. Mina had sighed and flicked her hair over her shoulder. Usagi had sulked, pulled on her arm and said  _ “Come on Rei don’t be a party pooper” _ . That had only irritated Rei, made her snap some unkind remark that she hadn’t really meant, before she’d stalked off. She’d expected that to be the end of it. She should have known better. 

Turns out Usagi had gone behind her back, asking Rei’s Grandfather if they could hold one. Surprised her with the girls when she’d returned home later. Rei had tried to get rid of them, not because she didn’t want to be around them, it was just that being around them all made her realise how much she had to lose. How much she’d almost lost.  It was draining. In response to her fears Rei knows she’s been drawing inwards and pushing them away, she just doesn't know how to stop it. 

Still Usagi had insisted, refused to leave and made the others stay.  There’d been many moments where Rei’s prickliness had caused friction and sharp words. She’d complained and nickpict Usagi’s every move to such an overreacting degree that even Luna had glared at her, hissing and flashing her claws in warning. They don’t understand. Don’t realise that  she’s only been pulling away from them all because she’s afraid it was her that was the danger. Afraid of a death she’d never be able to come back from. 

Rei sees the sleeping bodies of the four females around her, each on their own makeshift bed and sighs, in relief or heart ache she can’t be sure. Mina is lying on her side, her eye mask pulled down over her face and Artemis curled asleep in the curve of her body, near her stomach.  Makoto was on her back, arms gently folded, as if even in sleep she was ready for a fight.  Ami was curled up on her side, one hand limp and outstretched, judging by the book that was lying upturned next to her, Rei figured she fell asleep reading again.  Then there was Usagi. Rei can’t help but roll her eyes when her gaze falls on the blonde. 

Usagi’s limbs were splayed everywhere, each pointing in a different direction, head half hanging off the bed. Rei briefly wonders how Luna could sleep so soundly curled up by her head, when Usaig was breathing so loudly, or rather snoring, lost deep in what seemed like a happy dream, at least that was how it appeared to Rei, judging by the soft smile that seemed to dance on the other girls lips. Usagi seemed to sleep exactly as she lived, full of enthusiasm and gusto. Untroubled. Rei studies her closely, watches the rise and fall of her chest and feels better for it. Less anxious.  Slowly she begins to adjust back into the reality of her situation and not the nightmare she’d been trapped in.

_ She’s safe. They’re all safe.  _

She repeats it like a mantra, goes around them all, double checking that they’re breathing. Pinches the delicate skin on the inside of her wrist, just to make sure it's not a dream. A dream within a dream, she’s had them before. Rei runs her hands over her face, taking a deep breath and holding it for a few seconds before releasing it in one long exhale. She rubs at her temples and watches the sleeping girls. 

Rei is envious of them all, of the peacefulness they've found. For Rei it was a different story. Although it’s only recently she's been this lost within the shadows,  Rei has always been plagued by them; she can’t have the power she does and not have the consequences of it. It’s both a curse and a blessing. Still, she’d learnt a way of dealing with it as a child. Solitude. True, it hadn’t brought her happiness, but it had meant that no one was close enough to her, with the exception of her grandfather, that little damage could be done to her emotionally, or so she’d thought. In retrospect, Rei knows, it had damaged her plenty. 

Then a blonde, bun haired girl had come into her life and everything had changed. In the years since becoming a Sailor Scout, Rei has found purpose. She wasn’t alone anymore. She has a team, friends, love and a place where she belongs. Where she’s wanted. Her old demons had left her alone for sometime when she’d first joined the Scouts. She should have known it would only mean new and meaner ones would arise. Finding a home had been the double edged sword that Rei sacrificed herself on time and time again. 

Usagi was her solace. The warm blonde had swept in like a fresh breeze on a midsummer's day. Usagi hadn’t been phased by the rumours, by the mysterious shroud that Rei was surrounded by. She was interested, fascinated by it all. Rei’s had plenty of people be interested in her gifts before, but Usagi had been interested in  _ her _ . That had been... unsettling. Rei hadn’t known how to handle it, hadn't expected the budding flower that bloomed in her chest the more time she spent with Usagi. Wasn’t prepared for how she would feel lighter when Usagi’s hand would wrap around her arm and she’d smile so brightly up at her whilst dragging her to the nearest ice cream store. So Rei responded the only way she knew how. Defensive attack. 

Rei never means the things she says to Usagi, well that wasn’t entirely true, sometimes she does, but it’s not because she wants to be cruel or that they lessen her affection for the bun head. It was just so much easier to keep her at arm's length, than hold her close. Rei had expected Usagi to turn away from her when she unleashed her thrones but Usagi never had. She might sulk, cry or pout but it never lasted longer than a heartbeat. Usagi never lingers too long on the damage Rei does, as if it wasn’t any damage at all. Instead Usagi retaliates back, in kindness, in affection and acceptance but mostly in quick witted retorts. She takes Rei’s insults and returns them with her own, as if she understands the hidden language beneath Rei’s words. The love hidden. 

This love was a blessing and a curse too though. The closer Usagi got, the more comfort Rei allowed herself to feel, the harder the damage to her heart had been when inevitably the storm clouds would roll in. 

Every battle, every version of death and dismay, Rei had known they were coming, could feel the weight of their possibility on her shoulders. She’d never known if they were on the path that led to the worst outcomes, or if there was still time to change it. Maybe that was another reason she was harder on Usagi than anyone else, because damn it Usagi was reckless and naviie. Usagi never saw the unhappy ending, she wouldn’t even entertain the thought, whilst Rei was forced to dwell on it. It was both infuriating and terrifying to watch your living heart throw themselves unprepared into situations with little thought of the deadly consequences. That Rei might have to live without her. Rei wasn’t interested in a world without Usagi. There was a reason she was always the last of them to fall. Rei had always been the last defense between the evil and Usagi because, in the end, Usagi was the last defense for her. 

Rei is shaken from her thoughts by Makto’s grumble as she throws an arm across her eyes, still asleep. Rei runs a hand through her hair. She needed some air. Flicking off the light and being extra careful she tiptoes around the sleeping forms making her way outside. The moon is out, a waxing crescent in the midnight sky. It’s not cold, but there’s a chill in the air that helps ground Rei. 

Rei doesn't wander too far, close enough to help should the need arise. Even now she’s poised for an attack that logic decrees is not coming. Sitting down Rei tucks her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs she rests her head on her knees. She breathes in the nighttime air in long, deep breaths, holding it in her lungs until they begin to burn with the need to release. When she hears the soft echo of footsteps growing closer, Rei sighs. She already knows who it is, the voice speaking only confirms it. 

“Can't sleep?” Usagi says and Rei can already feel her back twitch with the need to  _ defend _ . She curses and keeps her head buried. 

“I thought you  _ were  _ asleep.” Rei says accusingly, and winches at the tone in her voice. Usagi, however, is apparently unphased because she sits down beside her. 

“Yeah I was, but then….” Usagi’s voice trails off. 

“But what?” Rei retorts, her tone more hostile than she means to be. 

Usagi sighs, the sound long and drawn out making Rei finally lift her head up from her knees to look at her. When their eyes meet, Usagi smiles, but the gesture is lacking the brightest it usually possesses. It is probably the weakest smile Rei has ever received from her and it makes something in her chest ache. Frowning she turns her face away, gazing off into the distance instead. An uncomfortable silence befalls them.

“What do you want?” Rei finally snaps when she can’t take the silence any longer. Fixing Usagi with her best glare Rei is stunned to find that Usagi doesn't even flinch. Instead she scoots closer and wraps an arm around Rei’s waist. The feel of Usaig’s body pressed close to hers causes Rei’s tense nerves to loosen slightly, but Rei wants to fight it, can’t help but feel she doesn't deserve it, especially after her behaviour today. She goes to pull away, only Usagi tightens her grip forcing her to stay still. 

“You know I’m not stupid.” She says it softly but Rei detects the determination in her voice. Recognises it from years of being by her side. It won't matter how much Rei resists, Usagi wasn’t going to give up. The knowledge is both welcoming and frustrating at the same time. 

“Could’ve fooled me.” Rei retorts purely on reflex. Usagi rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out at her. Rei is unable to stop the way her lips tug upwards ever so slightly at the gesture. 

“Rei, I know you’ve been avoiding us, avoiding  _ me  _ and it’s for the same reason you’ve been more….” Usagi hesitates for a second, as if searching for the right word.

“ _ Prickly  _ than usual.” Usagi continues. Rei is about to interject but Usagi just shakes her head and places a finger to Rei’s lips to stop her.

“It’s ok, I’m not mad. I know you don’t really mean any of it.” Usagi says. 

“Don’t I?” Rei’s sighs, gaze drifting up to look at the moon shining above. 

“No silly, of course you don’t.” Usagi resaurres her, giving her a squeeze. 

Here in the darkness, alone and together it’s a lot harder for Rei to ignore the way she can breathe easier with Usagi around. How just the sound of her voice has the darkness giving way to light. It’s only now that Rei realises how exhausted she’s been all day just from trying to fight it. She can’t do it anymore. 

“Then why do I do it? Because I can’t stop myself, Usagi, I try but…..” Rei groans and puts her head in her hands, grabbing a handful of hair and tugging at it in frustration. 

“You do it because your whole life you’ve had a gift that means you often get to see the worse this world has to offer.” Usagi begins, placing a hand over Rei’s and interlinking their fingers.

“You never talk about it, but I know you’ve seen all the terrible futures that could have been. I know you’ve seen more death than life over the years.” Usagi’s lips are trembling now, her voice thick with emotion. 

“Usagi.” Rei’s whispers but Usagi shakes her head gently, a silent request for Rei to let her continue and for once Rei bites back the fire that wants to burn the moment to ash. 

“I can’t imagine what’s that like Rei, how that must haunt you, but I know how much I care about you, how much I love you and..” Usagi squeezes her eyes shut tightly and takes a deep breath, as if steadying herself before reopening her eyes and locking them on Rei. 

“I’ve had to watch you die three times now Rei and that was...” Usagi’s voice does break then, a tiny sob escaping her chest. Rei’s throat tightens at Usagi’s words, and she silently berates herself for how quickly she forgets that. Rei might have suffered their deaths in visions and dreams, but in reality it’s been Usagi who’s had to go on. Only she’s been left with the reality of a future alone. Rei’s been taking that for granted, assuming just because she is always so full of sunshine that she hasn’t been scared just as deeply. That the darkness doesn't haunt her as well. It’s that realisation that has Rei finally divulging everything she’s been feeling for weeks now. 

“Ever since we came back, I can’t sleep and when I do I'm plagued by dreams, nightmares, and everything’s so mixed up inside of me that sometimes I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. The girls are acting like everything’s ok and normal and it  _ is  _ but I’m still stuck there. I’m just so damn scared I'm going to lose you all,  _ all the time _ . I know you think I’m strong but I know, I  _ know  _ I won’t survive it. So do what I’ve always done, push you away because... ” 

“Because you think it’ll be easier.” Usagi finishes with no trace of judgment, just understanding. 

“That’s pretty messed up, don’t you think?” Rei laughs sardonically. 

“No, it’s just you.” Usagi shrugs, smiling softly at her. Rei laughs for real then squeezing Usagi’s hand tightly and pulling her closer. 

“I’m sorry.” Rei whispers, leaning forward to rest her forehead against Usagi’s. 

“I’m sorry too.” Usagi breathes. 

“Sorry for what?” Rei asks, confused as to what Usagi could possibly be sorry for. 

“That I forced this sleepover on you. I was trying to help but maybe…”

“No. I’m glad you did. I do need it.” Rei says cupping Usagi’s cheek with the hand not currently interlinked with hers. 

“See and you say I’m not smart.” Usagi giggles, rubbing her nose against Rei’s in an Eskimo kiss. 

“Hmmm well I suppose you do have your moments.” Rei says flicking Usagi on the forehead and laughing when she scrunches up her nose. 

“Uh huh. That’s what I keep telling you.” Usagi says, fighting back a yawn. 

“You should go back to bed.” Rei says and Usagi shakes her head. 

“I’m fine. I’m not tired.” She says through another yawn. 

“Yeah sure.” Rei scoofs. 

“I’m not leaving you.” Usagi says sternly. Rei knows Usagi means that in more ways than one, but it’s the first time in a while that Rei actually  _ feels  _ it, and just like that Rei feels the light breaking through and the darkness slip away back into the shadows where it belongs. 

“Come on then sleepy head, let’s both go back to bed.” Rei sighs standing up and pulling Usagi up with her. 

“Snuggly time?” Usagi asks, tone hopeful. They haven’t done that since  Chaos and the thought of Usagi wrapped in her arms, head on her chest makes Rei's heart feel lighter than air. 

“Sounds good to me.” Rei breathes, planting a kiss on the top of Usagi’s head. “After all, you’re going to need all the sleep you can get if you’re going to have any chance of beating me at the arcade tomorrow.” 

“Yay! Arcade day!” Usagi exclaims, voice sleepy but full of excitement as she fist pumps their joined hands into the air. 


End file.
